Change

It strikes me one of the few constants in life is change.
Change can be small and imperceptible maybe all that changed today is you got a year older.
Change can be huge maybe you just made a lifetime commitment to something or somebody.
Change can be exciting, painful, scary and elicit hundreds of other emotions beside.

The end of the year/beginning of a new one is often the time to reflect on what has changed and what we would like to change in the future.

Home, marriage, work, family - I've seen massive changes in all these areas with much pain, sadness, tears and some joy. Some of the changes in my life will reverberate for many years into the future, some of those reverberations will be painful and some will bring peace. Change in these areas was needed and maybe even inevitable.

I now live in Birchanger village, the sign to the village is pictured above and in the centre of the sign, the centre of the villages title is the word CHANGE. Moving here and everything that has followed change has been at the centre of my life.

So what should we do about change - as it is inevitable one way or another.
It strikes me we either embrace it or try to deny or ignore it.
For too many years I took the later strategy to little effect.
To embrace change is the right answer even if that embracing is just being true to yourself so you know the choices you make are honest ones.
I choose to embrace the changes 2016 will bring.

Spectre - can we have some normal villains please

This is my take on the film Spectre - it is not so much a review more a comment on my feelings and thoughts on the end of what is effectively a four-part story arc in the James Bond films.
** Please be aware there some potential spoilers **

Spectre picks up where Skyfall left off with M and his organisation under review and the 'double 0' program under threat of being closed down. James Bond is on the trail of the people behind Quantum and the other bad guys that came to light in the previous three films. So Spectre is essentially unveiled as the organisation behind all of the activity In Casino Royale Quantum of Solace and Skyfall. So the film brings to the end the story running through those four films.

The film itself Is too long partly because it's got so much story to get in. There are all of the normal elements of a Bond film in there just not as good as previous films and I think the obligatory car chase is possibly the dullest ever in movie history. Both of the baddies - the muscle and the mastermind - are very average. Christoph Waltz is a great character actor but this character suffers from repeating the whole Quantum role and there isn't any real menace.

So whilst it was enjoyable it is not as good as Skyfall, Casino Royale or Quantum of Solace. But it does bring all the stories together and you could very much watch all four films back-to-back.

Having watched it my request and plea is - Can we now have our regular James Bond back please!

James Bond films should be very much standalone with a big bad villain with evil plans that need to be thwarted and then it's all done and dusted. In this series of four films we've effectively had the same villain behind all four films being slowly revealed not just as a single baddie but a shadowy business organisation but the it is actually a global criminal organisation which actually is the mastermind of a boy who grew up with James Bond!

So enough with the running theme of bad guys that were behind everything in the last movie, let just have some baddies to kill and save the world eh James, for England!

Pure Audio Delights

Recently I have started to listen to a real gem of a podcast called Short Cuts

Its own description is "A showcase for delightful and adventurous short documentaries from the UK and abroad". However it is so much more than that.

The power of the spoken word and the genuine stories and challenges of life is so touching.

If you want to be transported to a world away from your own life and its troubles and to be weaved together with an eclectic wonderful company of people who will make you smile and cry and reflect on the wonder of humanity then give it a listen - you will be a better person for it.

My favourite Member of Parliament

I am guessing but I don't think you will have heard the name of my favourite Member of Parliament, but then again do you know the name of your own MP - never mind what he or she does as an MP. Anyway I digress, my favourite MP is Sir Ian Bowler.

Why is he my favourite? It is not because of his views on policy or his ideology, as a staunch right wing conservative he doesn't match my centre-left social leanings. The reason he is my favourite is his willingness to be honest and open about shortcomings and hypocricy that other people in public life or indeed in government policy. Intensely loyal he doesn't attempt to curry favour by snipping or harping on about these failings, simply he doesn't ignore them rather he tells them how they are so we can consider these in light of policies to the contrary.

Never one to shy away from the limelight he regularly 'speaks' to the electorate via youtube and I share a few of his videos here. Enjoy...

Growing Pains

Most of the time we live in our own ordered, secure world and don't ever look at it or ourselves very closely. Often it's not until you have an experience or meet someone that you are forced to confront yourself and how you view the world - how you will respond, act, feel, change...

The last few weeks have seen some major changes in my life which have seen different people, events and experience come into my world in a short space of time.

Maybe no-one could easily handle this much change without being affected in some or many ways I know I can't. But I can't keep hiding within myself and I can't run away.

It just leaves me the option of 'growing up'.

I say growing up because I feel so immature at times. Emotionally immature for certain. Ironically I think I can listen to others, be wise and mature, empathetic and even insightful but in the moments I have to deal with myself I am a mess.

How do you learn to handle emotions, when all you have done in life is to avoid, suppress or nullify them? They say being in touch with your emotions is a good thing, maybe like exercise where it is often a case of 'no pain, no gain'. One blessing in all this is some off the people I have spent time with in the midst of the pain and the strange thing is almost all of their first names begins with the letter A!

Well here's hoping that the pain I'm going through produces emotional muscle for the future challenges ahead.

Random Connections

Scientists tell us that all things are interconnected if only at an atomic level. We are re-cycled beings literally made up of the dust of the stars.


A good few years back there was a challenge called Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon a variation of the concept of the six degrees of separation that we are all connected by some physical connection to every other person. In this case all actors are only six steps away from having worked with the prolific Kevin Bacon.

But maybe more magical than that we humans are connected through the the most abstract and unlikely ways. Chance comments made which lead to concrete actions, difficult situations lead to connection and positive memories unearthed.

Over the past few days I have seen a couple of these connections being made/unearthed in the unlikeliest ways in my life:

• The description of a birthday present of a work colleague influences a choice that results in a deep life changing conversation with a close friend.
• The hurt and pain of the refugee crisis reflected on and connected with somehow ends with a time of laughter and joy from the reminiscing of school physics lessons with two lovely school friends.

Of course we must have these weird magical connections all the time but don't see them, if we could seem them all for even a few moments I imagine it being like the Auroa Borealis swirling around us everyday taking wisps of connections between us all.

Enjoy the connections folks.

Exposed

Here I am
Open
Unlocked
An open book if you will
So many walk past
Just browsing
Only looking at the title, the headline
Does it make them smile
Is it what they already agree with
No danger, nothing to risk
A kind soul approaches
And I am undone
Nerve-endings touched
Adrenaline flows
Pain and tears
I am exposed
If only for an instant
An instant that seems eternal
Wave upon wave
Emotions that I can't control
I don't want to control
Washing over me
Cleansing me
And then
The moment passes
Normality restored
Life continues
Nothing to see here

Pride

"Pride, what is it good for..." Is pride good for anything other than leading one towards a fall?
definition - Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.

I wonder how many things I would have done differently or even some things I would have either attempted or steered clear of if it wasn't because my pride got in the way.

There are of course good things to be proud of - family, children, achieving those goals like starting a business from scratch or running a marathon, we can have the right sort of pride in our country, company or community.
definition - Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association.

Without some degree of both personal and corporate pride surely we run the danger of being either self loathing and/or destructive to those around us.

I recently broke through a bit of a pride barrier by doing something that I was sure wouldn't get a positive response and possibly create a very awkward situation but doing it anyway. Happily things worked out but I so very nearly chickened out.

Maybe the most important thing to remember is that in the right measure pride is no bad thing. We should have care enough for ourselves that we can accept as the song goes "I am what I am" whatever that may be.
definition - a sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.

I am proud of many things I have been involved with over the years - seeing how my two girls have grown into beautiful young women, having the fortune along with some skill and hardwork to have had several careers in a variety of work environments, playing a small part in some big events, supporting some people who needed help at difficult times.

And I am proud to be me.

I hope you are proud to be you because there is no one else like you.

To 5K and beyond...

This weekend I decided* to join in my local ParkRun, a regular 5k (3 mile) run around Hatfield Forest.   I used to run sporadically many years ago and have completed one marathon (Loch Ness) and four half marathons (Great North Run) in my time.   Regular running has been a hard habit to keep but I need something regular in my life right now and I need to get fit. Apart from my 10 min cycle to the station I am genereally sitting on a train or in a car and then behind a desk - with occasional days walking around a large building or two. I would class my lifestyle as sedentary.   But why am I really doing it? Igues there are several reasons:

• For the pleasure - yes I actually enjoy running even through the pain
• Stopping the middle age spread - my waist measurement is 28" but currently I find a 34" more comfortable! I don't want that to creep upto 36" and beyond
• The need to build a healthy habit rather slide into more habits that veer towards the selfish/self distructive end of the spectrum
• Gives me time to think - when I get to longer runs I can think and have a conversation with myself
• Takes me out of myself and my location

  So heres to building a healthy habit and to the beyond it will lead me into.     * I didn't actually make it to the 5k, my lift left without me! So I ran 2.5k (1.5 miles) around nearby fields.

Re-booting the blog

It's been too long since I dared look at this blog and think of re-starting it. I don't even know if all the links will still work, I guess I will have to re-learn it all.

I drew this - S Hunter 2015

But today I have been inspired to try to be creative again by a little interaction with a colleague for whom I produced this masterpiece - it's a 'card' wishing a "Happy Moving Day", as she moves from one office to another.

It is a silly little thing but it's important to me.

I feel able to do silly things again.

This blog is entitled fingerinalthepies, so named because at the time I started it my job and life was summed up by that phrase. I think I am in that place again and able to write about my world as I see it.

Thank you A!