Dumplings

The other day I came home to a lovely meal of sausage casserole with dumplings.  When I saw this on the cooker I knew it would taste fantastic. However, something inside of me went uuurgh! Seeing the dumplings I was taken back to my childhood meals of soggy, greasy dumplings and casseroles that smelled, looked and tasted awful.

It's a funny thing memory, our brain stores all sorts of stuff and often past traumatic memories, no matter how big or in my case small, are triggered by situations in the present. The emotions we feel and our responses are actually more about the past memories rather than the present. Many people unfortunately are regularly triggered by events in their daily lives which bring up powerful emotions and responses that the have never been dealt with. They may actually be unaware of the trigger or past hurt. When triggered we react not to the event before us but to the emotion from the past.

For me I know there are times in my past that have given me significant self worth issues and if I'm in a situation where I feel attacked, rejected or criticised I know this can easily trigger me and I start to get the numbing feeling of being worthless.  If I don't realise it I can very easy retreat into my shell scurrying away from the world - becoming little Steven again.

The good news is that I am becoming more aware of these triggers so I know why I feel so bad about myself, out of all proportion to what is going on in front of me.  This is the first step in redeeming my past and moving on from hurts that hold me back.

So back to the dumplings, a silly example I know.  Well they were delicious and I am sure after 5 or 10 more dumpling meals I will have provided myself with enough positive memories of dumplings so that this food 'scar' will be healed once and for all!